Why You NEED The Newest Knife

Everybody who’s been active in the outdoors for any length of time knows that as a knife ages, it stops being functional. This is true for both individual knives as well as knife designs. Only NEW knives and knife designs are useful, and only they can save your life in the inevitable “survival situations” we all face on a daily basis.

Imagine being caught out in the rain with an old knife. You’d notice the problems immediately; it wouldn’t cut string, it wouldn’t carve wood, and it wouldn’t protect you from the hordes of zombies or other unsavory folk who were out to get you. It wouldn’t matter that you had spent hours perfecting your technique; your skill would be all for naught if your knife was old.

Now imagine that same scenario with a brand new knife. The newer it is, the less skill you’d need, and the more work it would do on it’s own. And if it were a brand new knife design endorsed by someone famous? The zombies would turn and flee and the fire would light itself.

In all seriousness, if you’re not carrying the absolute latest iteration of mankind’s oldest tool, you’re going to die a slow, miserable death starting right now. And so is everyone you know.

Remember, it doesn’t matter if you have any experience or have worked to develop your skills; what matters is if you have the newest knife design.  It’s not the user, it’s the tool.

Note: This post is the first in our new Satire category.

General, Satire

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Rick A

    Absolutely ! ! !

  • Gil Palmer

    The urge — the need? — to be accepted by your chosen peers is a powerful one. If I wanted to be legitimized by Dave Canterbury, I’d buy a $250 5-inch bhk custom or such. If it’s Ray Mears who I wanted to bless me, I’d get a $350 woodlore custom. Cody Lundin? — a beat up Mora 1 or 2 like the one in the above photo. Tim Smith? — an old Mora 511(?) with a red handle, worn around my neck, like I’ve seen you with on old YouTube vids. I’d expect a nice pat on the back when I met you and I’m sure I’d fit right in. Acceptance by you and Cody would be a lot easier on my wallet, thank goodness. Now all I have to decide is whether I want to freeze my ass off in Maine or bake my ass off in Arizona.

  • Thanks for the comment Gil. I tend to think of it more like ice cream. It comes in many flavors, but it’s all still ice cream. As far as I’m concerned, people can eat whatever flavor of ice cream they like and carry whatever type of knife they like. If it gets the job done it’s good enough.

  • I find this a breath of fresh air. I think you approached it and made your point about knives, and our NEEDS vs WANTS.
    I like the new “Satire” starting here. Please keep the post coming.

  • Thank you Rich!

  • I’m glad you set the record straight Tim. My wife “liberated” my beloved Mora and it’s now under her culinary rule as her most beloved kitchen instrument. It’s now destined to live out its remaining years slicing tomatoes, onions and peeling potatoes. I suspect I’ll have to forge me a new blade and keep it out of here ever watchful eye.

  • Bj Daugherty

    Funny stuff. I’ve all but given up on looking for new knives since it seems impossible to find one that has a blade without some wild serration along over half the blade and some crazy looking saw edge on the back. I admit they are very evil looking but I think I’ll just stay with my good old stand by’s handed down from my dad and grandpa that have skinned many a game animal and completed countless tasks in countless camps. I’ll just let the zombies take their best shot at me and my old knife and let the chips fall where they may.

  • I like knives for plenty of reasons. They’re fun to collect, to design, to photograph, to trade… But when it comes to grabbing on for use, just like I have a “go to” phillips screwdriver and a go to pair of work gloves, there are a couple of knives that I’ve used to the point of preference by familiarity. I figure that’s true of almost anything.
    And Gil, your commentary made me laugh. Good stuff!

  • Thanks Corey!

  • That’s a tough situation when your wife raids your gear, although Mora’s do make good kitchen knives. Thanks for the comment Jeffrey.

  • It’s a brave man who takes his chances using an old knife for zombie defense. Thanks for the comment BJ.

 


 

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Note: Anything that appears to be an error in spelling or grammar is actually the author’s clever use of the vernacular, and as such is not an error, but rather a carefully placed literary device that demonstrates his writing prowess.

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